Sometimes people say, “You must be bitter.” Bitter because something didn’t go their way. Bitter because the deal fell through. Bitter because you sold before they bought. Bitter because, well… life happens.

Here’s the thing: I’m not bitter. And in the real estate world (and in life), there’s a lot of power in not letting bitterness take hold. I want to share what I’ve learned, how I stay grounded, and why I believe choosing comedy, perspective, and action beats letting grudges fester.

What “Not Bitter” Means

To me, being “not bitter” isn’t about pretending everything’s perfect. It’s not about wearing rose-colored glasses or denying disappointment. It is about:

• Recognizing emotional responses, but not letting them drive your long term decisions.

• Turning setbacks into stories, lessons, or even jokes (yes, especially the jokes).

• Maintaining relationships and integrity, even when it’d be easier to burn bridges.

• Choosing curiosity over bitterness: Why did that happen? What can I do better next time?

When I look back on deals that went sideways, clients who ghosted, or listings that dragged on forever, I try to see what’s there besides frustration. There’s always something.

Why It Matters in Real Estate

Surprise: real estate is messy. Transactions break down. Buyers change their minds. Sellers get unrealistic. Homes don’t appraise. Inspections reveal more problems.

If you stay bitter…

• Your communication suffers.

• Referrals dry up.

• You close yourself off to new ideas or opportunities.

If you stay not bitter…

• Clients sense authenticity. They trust you more.

• You stay nimble, able to adapt.

• You build resilience. That ability to take what didn’t go right, and still push forward — that’s worth more than quick wins.

My Tools for Staying Not Bitter

Here’s what I practice to keep bitterness from sinking in:

1. Humor – It’s my tool of survival. A well-timed joke or a lighthearted observation can reset tension.

2. Perspective shifts – Asking “What might have gone right if ____?” or “What can I learn here?” rather than stewing in regret.

3. Gratitude – For the clients who do work out, for the closings I do get, for every referral. Focusing on what’s good helps offset the negative.

4. Slowing down – When I feel the burn of disappointment, I take a beat. I don’t email or call in the heat of emotion. I think first.

5. Setting expectations early – Clear communication so surprises are minimized. When someone knows the potential pitfalls and possibilities, there’s less room for bitterness later.

Bitterness vs. Better-ness

I like to contrast “bitter-ness” with being “better-ness”. It’s not just about avoiding negativity — it's about growing.

• Bitter people see the world as having done them wrong.

• Better people see the world as offering lessons, chances to improve, chances to help others avoid the same pitfalls.

In real estate, being “better” means refining your process, improving your communication, and caring as much about how you do the deal as getting the deal done.

Dan DeCapua

Dan DeCapua is an accomplished Realtor and stand up comedian. A Real Trends Top 1,000 agent in the U.S., member of the RE/MAX Hall of Fame and has the most positive reviews of any Ann Arbor based agent on Zillow. He keeps his trophies and various other accolades in a climate controlled, subterranean vault available for viewings the third Tuesday of every month. For your Metro Detroit/Greater Ann Arbor real estate needs call (734) 730-7061 or email [email protected]